I’ve found myself using this expression a lot over the last two years. It generally pops up in a conversation when someone is moaning about how they were wronged over and over in relationships, personal or professional. Somehow, magically, it’s always somebody else who did the thing that caused the bad result. But what’s the common denominator? Who was involved in all of the situations? Yup.
Now I’ve picked up on an additional perspective on how to address these situations. When shifting the cause over onto themselves, some may view it as losing the ability to externalize their anger/upset by blowing up at something or someone else—but what they miss is that they’ve gained the freedom of directing their next action.
I know, in a very real way we already have that freedom, I mean, who else decides what direction we take in any given situation if not ourselves, right? But in practice, I see over and over people letting the fact that they see someone else as causing a situation dictate who decides what comes next. And they let the same person they blame for creating the situation they find themselves in do that deciding.
Is it me, or does that seem a damn silly thing to do in that moment?